With Blackjack and Hookers "I'm going to write my own blog. With blackjack. And hookers."

31Aug/161

Losing track

The fact that I've lost count of exactly how long I've been in London probably says something about my present state of settlement; I'm no longer really counting. Roughly, though, it's been a little over two months, and honestly, things are going well. I'm at the point where people have started to caution me about emotional swings-- that this is when things start to get difficult. In a way, I'm sure that's true: August is nearly over, and that means autumn is impending, and that means it is soon going to get colder, damper, and darker. All of those things are going to have an adverse impact on me, I have no doubt.

Having said that, I'm prepared for that-- as much as I can be-- and mostly, feeling positive about the change. I've been buying winter clothes (which is fun! Scarves and gloves and wooly jumpers and all kinds of cozy things), and working my way up to cycling to work (which should keep me exercising, which I think will be important).

Additionally, I have plenty of things to look forward to: visits from several different friends, a trip to Rome, another to France, and Christmas (somewhere; I'm still making final decisions on that). Once I hit January, it's really only a couple of months before my parents visit (in April; we're going to Spain together), and then it will be spring again. (Just like that, I'm counting off nearly a full year!)

Beyond that, though, I am feeling settled. I'm settled at work, where I'm beginning to make friends, and where I'm feeling very positive about the work I'm doing, and how it is being received. I'm settled outside of work, too, with an active life (including a social life!) and lots of things to look forward to. I'm even making plans to combine the two, with some weekend plans with a friend from work. All good things!

Home is a little more difficult, as matters continue to be a little complicated with my flatmate. I've never been good at flatsharing; I hated it when I was in my early 20s, and I definitely hate it now. It's difficult because I'm sure some of my gripes are personal to me: things that don't really matter in the scheme of things, but matter to me because of how I prefer to live. Some of them, however, are not. I've definitely had moments of staring at rooms for rent, and considering moving again, but I'm forcing myself to stick it out for now-- there's no point rushing out into a different place until I've really tried to make this one work. If things still suck in a few months time, well, that will be different.

This evening, a handful of minor things piled together to the point where I refused to cook in that kitchen (it would mean cleaning up after her, and no, I was not in the mood for that), and couldn't stand being in the same flat as her (I am over-dramatic sometimes, yes), so I took myself out for dinner. Which also bothered me, because I'd just bought food to cook for dinner (and the leftovers were supposed to be for lunch tomorrow, sigh), but it helped, so that's something. I'm calmer, now, though I haven't dared to check the kitchen to see if she read my note/did anything about it.

I miss living alone. At the same time, faced with living alone and not being able to afford to do anything, or living with someone else and having disposable income for travel, fancy food, theatre and so on... well, I've made my decision on that one. There's no point being in London if I don't have the money to make the most of it! So I will make it work, the best I can.

And in the meantime, I will enjoy the rest of what life has on offer for me. I'm on a day trip to Glastonbury on Saturday, and a chocolate tasting the following Wednesday. I'm seeing Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan in No Man's Land, and Kenneth Branagh in The Entertainer, and then there are my visitors and then Rome and... September and October are filling up. Life is good.

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