With Blackjack and Hookers "I'm going to write my own blog. With blackjack. And hookers."

19Jun/164

The pointy end

Sydney International Airport

It even finally stopped raining!

And just like that it's over, we tend to our... wait, no.

And just like that, all of my farewells are finished with (at least the kind that happen in person). I'm now sitting on the (very comfy) king sized bed in the hotel room I'm in for the night, just a few hundred metres from the international terminal at Sydney airport-- this is it. It's a relief to be finished with all of that; it's been a long, emotionally draining week. A wonderful week, in as much as I've seen so many people I care about, and felt so loved, so appreciated, so incredibly special. But I'm also not good at saying goodbye, even temporarily, and so of course that's been difficult.

So here we are. I'm on my own now (I mean, as much as anyone ever is; let's not be over-dramatic). I've written before about how this feels like a fresh start, and it absolutely is. I've spent the last couple of months preparing myself; now I'm ready to begin. Right now, at this moment, I feel more excited and exhilarated than nervous or lonely and upset, though I retain the right to change my mind at any moment as my mood suits. I've shed a few tears today, but not too many. I'm ok with that.

Yesterday was spent packing (and repacking, and then repacking again). I've had to abandon a few more pairs of shoes, but it was absolutely worth it to make sure that my beloved teddy bear, made for me by my Oma, fit into the suitcase. I can always buy more shoes, but Jackie Bear is irreplaceable... and we all need something to cuddle sometimes. I have two suitcases (one big and one small) and I'm 99% sure their combined weight fits within my luggage allocation, though they're not exactly going to be easy to wheel around in the short term. Still: workable. It was a quiet day, and I needed it.

Today was busier, unsurprisingly. I spoke on the phone to my Oma and aunt Helen, I had brunch with my sister, brother, and sister-in-law. I watched my sister-in-law come very close to winning her science debate at the Powerhouse Museum. I had dinner with my lovely friend Sue. I managed not to drown in the torrential rain. All good things!

Shortly, I will try and wind down and get some sleep. My alarm will be set for about 3:30am, so I'm not anticipating a full night's rest, but a few hours would be nice if I can manage it. I'm not presently feeling anxious (something that often plagues me), and hopefully I can keep it that way, but otherwise? Well, I'll manage.

I can't believe tomorrow is the big day. I can't believe this is really happening.

Let's go.

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